Forget about the Crocodile Hunter, no need to send a video application to The Dog Whisperer, don’t even bother with Sea World, and lose those Fabio/tiger trainers in Las Vegas…. I can beat them all. In fact, I think I might be the best animal trainer on earth. Sure, those guys interact with wild,undomesticated predators of the Apex sort, but I do that every day with my little brother. No, what I’m talking about is so much cooler than wrangling some squirming reptile with massive teeth, or confronting a mammal 1000 times your size in an unfit environment. No no, I’m talking about teaching a domestic creature with medium IQ how to operate human technology to control their environment – this weekend I finally taught my dog how to use the thermostat. For many years now I hoped he could learn how to use the air temperature control device on his own, so I would always know he was comfortable when I left him at home. When I go to work all day long I worry that this sweet, loyal, regal, stupid animal would be cold because he didn’t understand how to keep himself warm. I was always scared that he would be cold and shivering, alone and scared while I sat in traffic trying to get home. At one point I even had a smart thermostat installed so I could watch him though our Nest camera for signs of discomfort. This extra thermostat resulted in realizing he looks the same whether he’s cold or comfortable, and getting reprimanded at my job for looking at my phone too much as I adjusted the furnace. Clearly, there was one option; teach my dog to use the thermostat himself. I’m not even upset that my energy bill is going to be through to woof this month.