Forget about the Crocodile Hunter, no need to send a video application to The Dog Whisperer, don’t even bother with Sea World, & lose those Fabio/tiger trainers in Las Vegas…. I can beat them all. In fact, I guess I might be the best creature trainer on earth. Sure, those gentlemen interact with wild,undomesticated predators of the Apex sort, despite the fact that I do that every morning with my little sibling. No, what I’m talking about is so much cooler than wrangling some squirming reptile with big teeth, or confronting a mammal 1000 times your size in an unfit environment. No no, I’m talking about teaching a domestic creature with medium IQ how to operate human technology to control their environment – this weekend I finally taught my pet how to use the thermostat. For various years now I hoped he could learn how to use the air temperature control device on his own, so I would constantly suppose he was comfortable when I left him at home. When I go to work all morning long I worry that this sweet, loyal, regal, stupid creature would be cold because he didn’t understand how to keep himself warm. I was constantly scared that he would be cold & shivering, alone & scared while I sat in traffic trying to get home. At one point I even had a smart thermostat installed so I could watch him though our Nest camera for signs of discomfort. This extra thermostat resulted in realizing he looks the same whether he’s cold or comfortable, & getting reprimanded at my task for looking at my phone too much as I adjusted the gas furnace, and clearly, there was one option; teach my pet to use the thermostat himself. I’m not even sad that my energy bill is going to be through to woof this week.